The week in Thailand was dominated by the PM's Monday announcement that the country would be reopening at last come November 1st. Once again the hapless PM seemed to have jumped the gun in an effort to boost his own political traction as the bearer of good news.
And once again it backfired as the very people he is trying to woo - foreign tourists - expressed more confusion than ever in online forums with the oft heard refrain "I'll just wait till there's more clarity" far more prevalent than "Yippee, get me on a plane to Thailand".
On the face of it, Prayut's final grudging acceptance that Thailand needs to open up despite the Covid-19 numbers rather than because of them, is a step in the right direction.
But his own goal was that his "quarantine free access" was anything but. Fine to insist on double vaxxed tourists, great to ensure everyone has a test before they are Bangkok bound.
But oops - why insist on another test on arrival and create more headaches. And essentially completely undermine the no quarantine rhetoric.
Tourists will have to do just that at least for a night while they await their results. Subsequent babble about "swab hubs" in the Thai capital did little to allay concerns.
The country should just be opening up to double vaxxed tourists and be done with it. And there should be no stipulation for children to be vaccinated. The further lack of clarity in that regard is putting off much needed income from bewildered parents..
Prayut and his cronies have clearly used the pandemic to advance the idea of moving on from Thailand's sex tourism past - always an embarrassment though many of those cronies have fingers in that pie.
The rhetoric is all about quality tourists and big spenders coming to the rescue. No more mass tourism. This is a bunch of smoke and mirrors as when push comes to shove they will salivate for the high numbers that India and China represent rather than longer staying Europeans and Americans.
One thing is for sure, as Rooster has said in recent weeks, the pandemic is the watershed that sees Thailand move away from nightlife as a primary means of attracting tourists whether they admit it or not.
Nature, families and wholesomeness is the "New Normal" though Thailand's sex and night-time industry was so huge that it'll probably just take a little more sniffing out.
The country is so unfaithful to each other - as a survey showed - that the industry has to survive just to cater to errant husbands, never mind the tourists.
Though it might be less overt and less apparent to visitors in the future. The days of Go-Go bars and scantily clad women in the streets calling out to "handsum man" are numbered.
This will enable entities like the TAT to pretend that it doesn't exist rather like that cop a few years ago who said there was no sex industry.
Former tourism minister Kobkarn famously said in 2016 that she was going to preside over the end of the industry. This caused her to be sent packing back to the business sector where she would do less damage.
But a reassessment of the trade post-pandemic is clearly on the cards and places like Pattaya will never be the same again. That is probably a good thing as it needs a total reinvention from its seedy past.
Further changes were not changes at all. The new "Thailand Pass" is just a Certificate of Entry under another guise though creating a one stop shop for the documentation is a positive step.
But who wants all this aggravation when taking a holiday - shouldn't everything be as simple as possible for visitors?
Yes, people coming to my house should remove their shoes and I may well direct them to a part of the sofa to sit on. But do they need to be told about how they sit, when they can get up, what they can say, where they can walk around, what they can and can't touch?
Of course not; a guest is a guest and they should always be made to feel at home. Thailand needs to remember that and stop all the rules and regulations and hark back to a simpler time when people were attracted to the country because of its laissez-faire attitude.
Sex industry or no sex industry.
The curfew was reduced and mutterings were made about allowing alcohol and the reopening of nightclubs from December. The authorities continued to burble on about protocols.
Everyone is sick of protocols but they do know what they should and should not do. We've had gels, and masks, and social distancing and temperature checks thrust down our throats for the best part of two years. We know what to do, we and our children all over the world have got used to it.
Just reopen and be done with it for goodness sake - we're all tired of being caged up.
Our two year prison sentence should be over - with a little remission for good behavior!
The curfew is another red flag to tourism potential. Just scrap it. Now!
Everyone knows that the infection numbers will go up as the country reopens - that has been shown most everywhere. The health system can cope. Concentrate on the vaccinations and stop overthinking everything, that's my message.
To wit, I shall be heading off to Bang Sue today (Sunday) to get my second jab of AstraZeneca. I'll join the double-dosed, now nearly 40% of the population. I'm glad to see that this vaccine is now recognised abroad.
America will even accept those with Sinopharm and Sinovac in their arms for their belated second week in November opening, announced this week.
Thailand's pandemic response has - like many countries - been laughable at times and I know it's kept me relatively sane by chuckling in lockdown. But this week there was thankfully far more to guffaw about on ASEAN NOW than the dreaded lurgy latest.
Apropos to my prior comments about unfaithfulness, a survey by Durex did the rounds again on social media, which showed that 51% of respondents in Thailand admitted to having a bit on the side.
A bigger surprise was that the Germans were at 45% ahead of the French. Maybe Frenchmen lie more, though. Sex-starved Brits languished in a pathetic ninth.
The article showed a map of the most unfaithful countries - all in Europe except for Thailand. In your face Kobkarn!
On ASEAN NOW's Facebook arm there was a thread about getting a hole in one at golf. Wagster J.P. Doyle linked the two stories saying this was because of Thailand's 19th hole.
Continuing the theme somewhat, Thailand also had a spate of men getting their manhood's stuck in all manner of things this week.
Firstly a guy in Kanchanaburi had to be cut free from a bottle opener then Thai Rath went to town on a person in Bangkok who got his "jao loke" wedged in a PVC pipe.
The media compiled a six minute video as a lady presenter kept deadpan, a male anchor winced and a foundation rescue staffer explained how he used his tool (cutting equipment, that is) to extricate the Member for Krung Thep.
Years ago it was obvious that Thailand - with plenty of unfortunates' todgers that had NOT been fed to the ducks - was heading to be the hub of reattachments.
Now it looks like being the hub of extractions, perhaps rivalling the great dental industry!
One wonders if the lack of nighttime entertainment has caused all this. The technician from Rom Sai foundation just said drily that who was he to judge.
Never ones to miss out on an opportunity to look foolish, the RTP joined the fun and games suggesting that we should not copy Squid Game, the hit Korean show depicting violence aplenty on Netflix.
Funny, but just moments before the spokesman told me I had decided to ritually slaughter my noisy neighbor for using a power drill. Thanks RTP!
Frankly, Thais of all ages have been subjected to gratuitous violence on and off screen since the year dot. They are bloomin' used to it!
Funniest picture of the week was the Tourist Authority of Thailand governor Yutthasak Suphasorn who tried to look serious behind his black mask emblazoned with what looked like a red banana.
Only a banana skin could have been more appropriate after some of his pronouncements this year.
Good news for Pattaya came when the military announced that the Cobra Gold exercises - cancelled in the pandemic - would be back on next year in full.
The marines should be able to visit Nong Nooch gardens and go to Cartoon Network by then. Let's hope the military police can keep them in order amid the orchids and water chutes.
In more serious news - though with that familiar Thai smirk that it was anything but - was a family in the north east who advertised selling their eyes and kidneys.
They were on a march to the governor in Ubon after acting as guarantor for the wife of a cop who reneged on repaying for a tractor purchased years ago.
In Chiang Mai the tourist police and TAT got their floral bouquets and baskets out to visit a Russian mum whose 7 year old son fell in a boiling geyser. They promised help.
Many posters took the opportunity to blame the distraught parent. Please stop; you don't know the facts of the case and have you never encountered an unexpected danger in Thailand before?
In Bangkok a Brit living on the 26th floor of a condo in Pak Kret got some online praise for helping a painter who was left dangling after his rope was cut.
The reader was also left dangling as to why this had happened in the first place. I wish the Thai media would learn to ask a few more questions - it would make translators' lives a whole lot easier.
The Association of Thai Travel Agents asked us to believe that the appearances of Lisa of Blackpink fame and opera singer Andrea Bocelli at New Year countdowns in Phuket and Bangkok was 200 million baht well spent.
"Suppose Lisa's appearance attracts a million foreign tourists and each of them spends 75,000 baht, that'll mean 75 billion in foreign exchange" said Sec-Gen Adit.
He's clearly angling to take over at the TAT or be Thailand's next tourism minister.
In international news that caught my eye, Star Trek's William Shatner blasted into space on Bozo's Phallus. Prince William said it right:
"Repair this planet, not find the next".
In California the crime known as "stealthing" - removing a condom during sex without the knowledge of the recipient, was enshrined in law.
Finally, a footballer in Thailand who ran into gambling debt decided to rob a gold shop and after his capture was taken on a reenactment that attracted dozens of gawking shoppers.
Plod had an easy task in snaring him as he dropped his mobile phone at the scene of the crime.
Hopefully he's not a goalkeeper.
Rooster
