Thailand News - Corona - By Ola J. - Palmtree

That's if they manage to stay out of jail or avoid criminal charges. 

Among those to be removed in the tenure of this government - better not use the J word Rooster - are education minister Nataphol Teepsuwan and Digital Economy and Society (like Orwell's Ministry of Truth) head honcho Buddhipongse Punnakanta.

These were both culpable in riots in Bangkok and ordered jailed though they are probably sipping a cocktail somewhere.

Deputy Agriculture and Cooperatives minister Capt Thammanat Prompao was removed in political machinations and is biding his time in the Government House wings. 

Thammanat tried to deny he was jailed in Australia for importing heroin. Of course that loss of four years of his life was all a misunderstanding.

In fact there are so many misunderstandings in all aspects of Thai life from the RTP to Government and every Tom, Dick and Somchai in between that it is high time there was a Ministry of Misunderstandings.

This would be a handy umbrella organization for all manner of officialdom making absurd statements with no truth attached, having to backtrack and blame the press for getting it wrong. With that all important threat of defamation.

Yes, it could all be handled under one roof in a swanky new building with huge columns in a vacant plot on Chaeng Wattana Road. There are plenty to choose from. 

Dodgy migrants from Cambodia and Burma (my preferred word) could build it. Their illegal status could then be the first case of misunderstanding for the new ministry.

Emblazoned in mighty, high letters on the edifice could be the slogan:

"Ministry Of Misunderstanding - M.O.M.'s the Word"

Perhaps Thammanat would be kind enough to be the first minister; he has the requisite experience. 

Other candidates could be Pipat at Tourism, Anutin at Health and even DPM Prawit (who could sidestep from the proposed Ministry of Pies and Cakes). 

Pipat has proved admirably deft at sidestepping many misunderstandings concerning the numbers of tourists put out by him and the TAT. While Anutin is so brazen in his pandemic denials that he'd make the perfect candidate. In addition they are both billionaires - the greatest ministerial qualification, rivalling glibness.

Prawit has proved himself a survivor who can get away with anything, as he has proved on his eight year watch. (A chronometer that always seems to belong to a pal who has just cracked it).

Somsak Thepsuthin at the Justice Ministry could also be ideal. He's raised billions in seized assets in the otherwise pointless War on Drugs. He might even be able to inspire a Thaksin-cum-Duterte style misunderstanding assassination spree of a few thousand drug mules sweeping the deaths under the MOM carpet (a shag-pile bought at a mere million baht a square meter).  

Coming into the reckoning this week for MOM supremo was permanent secretary at the MoPH Dr Kiattipoom Wongrachit who said the removal of the mask mandate for public parks and concerts was all a misunderstanding. 

When he said that you would no longer need to wear a mask in such places of course he didn't mean that. The press are such fools printing what people say as though it's gospel. 

The whole thorny issue of mask wearing is well past its sell-by date. Like the vast majority of Bangkok residents Rooster and family have dutifully followed the law pretty much to the letter. 

We are regular visitors to the lovely and often deserted Railway Park in Chatuchak. We wear masks on entry then they go under our chins. 

The mandate to wear them outside is growing increasingly absurd and needs repealing. Unless you believe there was no law in the first place (another misunderstanding?). 

It's so hot and aren't we all used to keeping our distance and not going out if we feel sick? 

Also making the news on Friday were demands for the repeal of the 2-5pm alcohol ban. This could be deemed a 50 year misunderstanding to save some ministerial face. 

This and several other absurd draconian laws should just be struck off.

Yes, MOM's the word.

While the war continued to rage in Ukraine in the last seven days, Thailand news mostly centered on Tangmo. 

The Thai press has done nothing in the last three weeks other than fall over themselves to find the latest nonsensical angle in the celeb's demise. 

Maybe it was an overdose of bird pooh chilies in her som tam, I wouldn't be surprised.

Daily my editor bemoaned the lack of stories for Rooster to translate. But here are some of the best you may have missed:

A hard hitting and in-depth feature in Thai Rath suggested the war had affected fuel prices and tourism….

A 19 year old called "Cake" was shot in the forehead in a pick-up. Her murderer said he never thought that firing a gun in her direction could actually kill her. Who would've thunk it. 

A Ya Ba crazed son attacked his folks with a club and a hoe then put their bodies in a charcoal oven. Definitely a "Luuk Toraphee" (ungrateful buffalo 'son' of Ramakian legend). 

Plod acting on the findings of an NGO raided the bar area off Nana Soi 7 where a 14 year old sex worker was found and a woman was arrested for human trafficking. 

Thailand has done some great work over the last few decades (don't believe the numpties online who spout otherwise) to clean up its underage sex act but it's obvious that Lumpini police turn a blind eye to what's going on in their jurisdiction. 

ASEAN NOW got plenty of clicks from a story about a "handsome backpacker" pinching from a baker in Phuket. The "abbs" and the  "backpack" caused more comments than the fact of theft in a predictable 'click-a-thon'.

The CCSA grinches were preparing to cancel Songkran water splashing again at their Friday meeting. This has actually been one of the benefits of the pandemic especially for us motorcyclists who prefer not to have klong water with ice cubes in it thrown at us as we traverse the highways. 

In Kannayao the met's Region 2 chief Attaphon - responding to social media - tried to get all the glory by raiding a casino at a snooker club. He found a deserted snooker club covered in grime.

His bust turned to dust - Attaboy Attaphon!

General Wirachai's son Pornmet was found to be over the limit while driving his Porsche that killed the Pakistani. Providing there's no misunderstanding he could well be enjoying rice gruel when the appeals process is over - about 2050 (A.D. not B.E.).

A Bangkok FC player made the international news after using a Muay Thai style "sork" (elbow) attackthat got him sacked. Watch the video. Worse in some ways than the flying kick of Eric Cantona at Crystal Palace all those years ago. 

Several Rottweilers - "ooh don't they make lovely, loyal pets especially for little children" - attacked a 9 year old ripping his lungs apart. The owner reneged on a deal to pay 1.3 million baht in compensation offering a paltry 200K telling the dad he was ready to go to jail.

Yes please incarcerate him for several years. Also could we have some nice "draconian" additions that ban all dogs not on a tight leash in the streets - on pain of immediate imprisonment for their owners and instant euthanasia for the so-called pets. All dogs - I'm sick of their pooh, noise and threats to my family. 

It's amazing really that people are muzzled with masks for years while the dogs roam scot free.

Many people commented on a story about Facebook blogger Richard Barrow being awarded the British Empire Medal "for services to British nationals overseas". Apparently it was something to be proud of and when I checked 600+ people had commented positively on his page. Not a single dissenter.

Funny that, because ASEAN NOW's story had plenty! Methinks Mr Barrow spent a fair bit of time removing any negativity from his page! 

It would be sour grapes to blame him too much because many benefit from his posts online. But he deserves some flak too. Attending a black tie event in London was one. Repeating the lies and propaganda of the BP daily is another. He does little real investigating and never rocks the boat.

Perhaps that is why ambassador Mark Gooding was smiling like the proverbial Cheshire Cat. Nothing to fear from our Richard. Besides, he does our job for us!

The only 'campaigns' he mounts are toothless rants about dual pricing and his yearly moan about having his visa questioned. For this columnist, who speaks his mind on occasion, Mr Barrow is a teacher and blogger on fetes and tourism sites who does little serious journalism.  

He rarely cites sources and if challenged blocks people. 

The British Empire Medal - what a horrible anachronism - should go to someone in Scotland for "services to the Thai people". 'Nuff said.

Knockers and knockers featured heavily on the forum. In one story a som tam seller has been making 10K a day thanks to the attributes on her chest.

Pukki had some fruity words for the conservatives in Thai society who knocked her achievements and promotional methods. Now she's hired an even more busty friend to help with the advertising. 

Also an enterprise unlikely to go tits-up is the Bikini Run slated for Pattaya in May. My editor told me that this story would encourage "traffic" - something I've always dreaded in my Krung Thep hometown.

Finally, crime solving aside, it was a great week for the RTP due to events unfolding at the World Police Summit in Dubai.

The SWAT team (Special Weapons And Tactics NOT So We Always Take) were flying high in a skills contest then the RTP's "Smart Safety Zone 4.0" initiative won a best community policing award. 

Big Joke was there to accept the plaudits from the Dubai chief. 

The Smart Safety Zone 4.0's main point is that the RTP gets the public to do all their work while they sit at base watching CCTV in air-conditioned comfort.  

Perfect. No misunderstandings. 

Rooster